Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Back and forth. Up and down these familiar streets. Every intersection intertwined with a memory. Home away from home...pulse of the city coursing through me, it just feels right. Midnight rendezvous lit by streetlights and the flash of my camera. These are the times of our lives, we can't forget, we can't stop, not even for a moment, we live our lives on the clock.
There were worse times and also better days, but I find contentment anyways. Summer is winding down, today begins the last week of full freedom and Wednesday will begin the countdown to 21. Even though I have many miles to go before I sleep I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Beauty is weird and odd and ornery and I appreciate that. So many colors and shapes and sizes, I love it all.
I think to enjoy life it's important to understand how insignificant you are in comparison to life itself. We as human beings get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we forget to really live it. I'm guilty of this as well, we all are. Living is a struggle, a bona fide struggle and you have to fight for it every second of the day. How you fight the battle is up to you.
"The worst mistake you can make is to think you’re alive when really, you’re asleep in life’s waiting room."
I believe that this quote holds true for the majority of people because it's so easy to get immersed in the pettiness of life's dramas and tribulations. My biggest wish for my life is that every one of my tomorrows are better than my todays and the only way that can happen is for me to make a conscious decision minute-to-minute for it to happen. Are you following?
So, I'm pretty positive I saw President Obama this weekend, quite epic, to me anyways. Haha. As you can see I went to the aquarium this past weekend, I love marine life, I wanted to be a marine biologist for the longest, now I just want to become a certified scuba diver who swims with all of these amazing creatures as a hobby. =].
The fact that the summer is ending just breaks my heart, this summer has turned out to be more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Oh how life surprises you when you have no expectations. Some really hard goodbyes are in store in the next few weeks, I don't want to even think about them. Out of sight, out of my mind is really scaring me. I think once school begins for me I'll have a serious case of nostalgia, I'm sure I'll be putting my camera to serious use these last few weeks to capture all of these moments that I'm sure I'll want to remember. N'Sync sing-a-longs, late night pool tournaments, Braves games, running through Publix 5 minutes before closing time to get a pint of ice cream, jamming out to old-school rap in Atlanta traffic, shouting at people in Midtown, I love it all so much. I don't want to forget.
We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright...
Throw our hands in the air
Pretty girls everywhere
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright....
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
There is a time to love and a time to cry and time to do both at the exact same time. I believe that one of the most amazing things about life are the connections you establish with other people. Each one individual and unique and special and dear. Timing is everything. It's sort of heartbreaking when two people whom are perfect for one another meet at the wrong times in their lives. Yet, somehow, we all hold on to that last sliver of hope that maybe someday the stars will be aligned in your favor. The truth of the matter is, in my opinion, that love and everything that it entails can be established with numerous people. Whether people open themselves up to this possibility is a different matter entirely. Monogamy is a beautiful thing, but my heart is a polygamist by nature.
"And in that moment what you failed to realize was that time was our biggest enemy, constantly chipping away at us. We forgot about the seconds turning into minutes turning into hours and forgot that our hellos were destined to become goodbyes. And in that moment, you were perfect and I was perfect and we were the beginning and the middle and the end. And during that fleeting moment of time we made our impression on life and how beautiful it could be."
"I was born upon hot coals, fire burning deep within, some have tried to put me out, yet I always manage to catch again. I’ve burned everyone brave enough to love me at some point or another, that’s the way it has to be. Me dancing in the wind, you can’t catch me. I was raised to learn the hard way and I’m okay with that. I know nothing of the future, but I illuminate the now. You can’t tame fire with fire, I need your water, it’s the only thing strong enough to put me out."
I fall for so many people, each for different reasons, maybe that's a good thing and maybe it's completely horrible. I'm human and I feel entitled to make mistakes. In my opinion, to die at 100 is to still be robbed of time and life seems short, still. What I mean is that, my life will soon come to an end, whether it's tomorrow or several decades from now, I'm going to live my life, I may hurt people in the process and I know I will be hurt in the process. Moving on and moving forward and taking steps back, repeating mistakes, giving into lust, giving into love, giving into my heart instead of my mind, is just a part of the journey. It's not immature, it's mature, it's knowing that I, nor anyone else for that matter, will be knowledgeable enough to always make the right decisions and choices and I'm infinitely okay with that.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Life is throwing me for a loop right now. Life has a plan of its own. I could have never seen this coming.In a little over 2 weeks everything has changed, for the better, I've met someone who makes me so happy and it feels amazing. I'd forgotten what it was like to find someone that made you feel that way. I'm actually smiling as I type this. The risk was so worth it. =]
So, last night I found out that I'll hopefully, fingers crossed, be going (road-tripping) to Kentucky with some of my closest friends. I'm so so so so excited, I'll get back home the day before my birthday. It's funny time is flying by and slowing down simultaneously. Soon work will start back up, then school, so this is a perfect way to get the new fall semester started off properly. At the beginning of the summer I had no clue that this summer would be the best one yet!
Yesterday my boy and I went to see Get Him to the Greek, it was, hmmm, interesting. I'm glad we saw it at the dollar theatre as opposed to paying full price for it. I would have been severely disappointed, it had it's funny moments, but yeah, I'll be ok if I never see that movie again. Haha. I'm so excited for Inception to come out, I've heard so many wonderful reviews about it, I cannot wait to see it!!! Well I've gotta start getting ready for the day now, but I'll update soon.
I hope everyone can find a person that makes their hard times go easy.
- Free Bird
Friday, July 9, 2010
I'm a wild flower, always growing where I have no business. Popping up here and there and disappearing with the seasons. New petals and countless colors for different reasons. I've been cut down and given to that special someone, I've been the "he/she-loves-you" to so many hopeless romantics in this world. I cannot be bought or planted. I only grow where I am needed, I am seedless. Whether they know it or not...careful, careful now, this wild flower has also been known to be mistaken for a rock.
Life has been throwing me so many curve balls as of late. I'm not quite sure how to process it all. So many ups, twice as many downs, I just want to compromise. I have a new baby cousin that was born 2 days ago and one of my uncles passed away today. The circle of life doesn't seem to be much of a circle, more like an interstate filled with sharp turns and bridges and over-passes and bad curbs. Yesterday, I couldn't fall asleep fast enough...tonight, sleep is eluding me. What a difference a day makes.
I'm not asking to understand, just for some clarity. That's all. I'm home now, in my bed, listening to "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday. I never get tired of this song, it mellows me out, calms these nerves of mine, and somehow restores my hope. I think I cry for others because I can't cry for myself, if that makes sense. It's my body protecting itself, it's scared, just like I'm scared, to feel everything I probably haven't felt over the past 2 years. I'm not expecting anyone to understand.
Time should slow down. It amazes me how I can think back to memories from 10 years ago and feel as if they just happened yesterday. How do days fall into years so quickly? Riddle me that. One of the few priceless things in life is the innocence that a child has. Children have the ability to see everything and everyone for who they truly are because they are blind to the evil that we teach them. The older they become, the clearer their vision, but the cloudier their mind. Think about it. That's what I want, if I had all of the money in the world that is what I would buy. That type of innocence is such a blessing. Oh how sweet it would be. We'd all be surprised by how quickly we could fall in love if our eyes were always closed.
I think I'm finally experiencing what it means to have someone enter your life at the perfect time and you enter their life at the perfect time. And how both of these combined makes each of you perfect in the other person's eyes. When our yesterdays matched our todays and our todays matched our tomorrows. Hey baby, I think I'm falling and I know you'll be there to catch me.
I wrote this last year:
"I know I've let a boy too close to my heart when I think of him before I fall asleep, that's my sign to fly away. So for one last time I pretend that everything is all right and I savor each moment and then never speak to him again. It hurts a little less each day or at least that's what I tell myself until I find another branch to perch upon."
Well, I think I found that branch and I have no desire to fly for a while.
I'm scared as hell, but it's worth the risk.